


Confused Fears

by ElenCelebrindal



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! - All Media Types, Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: And By That I Mean, Jaden doesn't think he deserved what he has, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, and Jesse tries to help, he can pet Amethyst Cat just like a real cat, minor hinting at Jesse's Crystal Keeper powers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 15:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18720163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElenCelebrindal/pseuds/ElenCelebrindal
Summary: Jaden is up at night to get a hold of his thoughts. Zane challenged him to a public rematch, but he doesn't think he's worth the time and effort. Meanwhile, Jesse tries to coax his boyfriend out of that state, and maybe he ends up winning.





	Confused Fears

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, there! I'm back into Spiritshipping, seems like. What can I do, I love these two fluffballs too much.   
> This is set in the same timeline of Fluffy Spirits, but the stories are completely separate in space and time, so you can read this alone no problem. If you have, however, read Fluffy Spirits, be mindful this is set a little bit before that. 
> 
> I wanted to write something else about these to for a while, now, and I suddenly came up with some dialogue ideas on my train. I though "hey, what about giving Jaden actual worries about his past, and not that bullcrap canon depicts?", and this was born. I've always thought about Zane and Jaden's relationship, and it feels right to have Jaden being a little less full of himself and over-confident about it after the last GX arc.   
> Thus, this is meant to explore that, but of course my hand slipped so there's just something more to it. 
> 
> As always, I don't have a beta, so sorry for any mistakes.   
> Enough rambling now, I'll leave you to the story.

As people say, the night brings advice. And Jaden, apparently trying to follow that, was quietly sitting at the kitchen table, quietly re-watching for the umpteenth time the video that was making him go crazy.   
On the tablet screen, propped up thanks to improvised support provided by a glass, Zane was speaking into a microphone, his words echoing I the arena and nearly drowned by cheers and yells coming from the audience.   
The earphones blasted his voice into Jaden’s ear, as he kept on listening to Zane’s announcement over and over again. The man, after winning against Aster (more like annihilating), was given the chance to challenge whoever he wanted to, and the Duel would be broadcasted world-wide during a live show.   
Jaden was so focused on Zane’s voice and his own thoughts, he didn’t notice Jesse’s footsteps approaching behind him.   
When he flicked the light switch on the brunette hissed in annoyance, raising a had to cover his eyes before squinting in Jesse’s general direction. The screen’s brightness was too dim, and the sudden change of light hurt Jaden’s eyes.

 

 

Upon seeing the man, who hadn’t even bothered putting on pajamas or changing clothes since he got back, Jesse frowned: «What are you doing, Jay? It’s 2 am, and you have class tomorrow». He crossed his arms, barely suppressing a yawn: «Is something wrong? You haven’t been quite yourself these days, I’m starting to get worried».   
To be fair, Jaden had barely been home the fast few days, too busy because of his job, but Jesse wasn’t blind. He could feel when the brunette had problems but refused to talk about it, and normally it was because he didn’t know how to approach the issue.   
Jesse tried to keep quiet and let him make the first move, but that was the third night in a row Jaden didn’t get any sleep. And, this time he wasn’t even pretending to sleep.

 

 

Before answering, Jaden turned off the tablet’s screen and removed his earphones: «I’m okay, you don’t need to be», he replied, sighing, in a weak attempt to shrug it off.  
He was incredibly tired and sleepy, and Jesse was right about class in the morning, but the brunette couldn’t sleep. He tried to, but as soon as he closed his eyes they shot open again, almost on their own. Even Yubel stepped in and tried to take some of his worries away, but that didn’t work either.   
So, Jaden decided to just stop pretending and didn’t even joined Jesse in bed for that night. Apparently, it was the sign the bluenette needed to intervene.   
Not that he didn’t want to, but deep down Jaden was hoping not to include him this time.   
Since Zane’s challenge, broadcasted almost a week before, Jaden started feeling unbelievable anxiety, something he hadn’t experienced for a long time. Not even Jesse’s soothing presence, normally able to help, wasn’t useful.

 

 

As if reading his mind, Jesse sighed as well and moved forward, stopping right at Jaden’s side: «It’s about Zane’s challenge, isn’t it?». As quick as his sparkly cat, the man snatched the tablet away from Jaden and unlocked the screen. Sure enough, that damned video was still the only thing on it, paused on Zane’s face.  
«I figured as much».

 

 

Jaden snorted, his lips curling in a weak and unrestrained smile: «You look right through me, uh?», he said, used to his boyfriend’s cleverness. «Yeah», he admitted, taking the tablet from Jesse’s hands. «I can’t seem to stop thinking about it».   
He didn’t quite know the reason yet, but something in that challenge made him shiver every time he heard it. Maybe it wasn’t the challenge, thought.   
Maybe it was Zane.   
There, figured out. Jaden didn’t want to face Zane, of all people. Realization hit him with the force of a waterfall, washing what was left of his resolution down the drain.   
«Dammit».

 

 

«You’ll be fine», Jesse assured him, attempting some moves. Jaden had all his cards flipped face-up, but their effects were still unknown. The field was still tricky to navigate through.

 

 

«Fine?».  
Disbelieving, Jaden let out a single puff of mocking laugh, clawing nervously at the table: «Jesse, we’re talking about _Zane Truesdale_. You know, Hell Kaiser. There’s no way I’ll be fine», he retorted.  
It wasn’t that Zane was still dangerous or anything like that. Rather, after the whole ordeal with the dimensional travel and Nightshroud, Zane had truly come back to his gentle but rough self. Even though his appearance and Dueling style kept telling otherwise.   
He was just… really powerful and intimidating.   
That’s the reasoning Jaden gave to his refusal.

 

 

«Wait, are you… scared of him?», Jesse asked, his eyebrows twitching between frowning and raising. Jaden had never been scared of anyone of their friends, let alone Zane. Heavens’ sake, he shared his body with a spirit who once wanted to obliterate all dimensions.

 

 

«No, not… not scared», Jaden shook his head. «I mean, we’re close friends. We’ve been such since Duel Academy», he added. And it was true, in its weird way.  
Jaden had met Zane during his first year at Duel Academy, the older man’s last one, thanks to Syrus and to his own willingness to beat everyone in the school.  
Gods, he really was an arrogant and annoying brat at the time. No wonder Crowler wanted him to be expelled, he humiliated him in front of the whole academy. And not because he defeated him.   
Zane, however, never fell for his behavior and the two got along well pretty quickly, even though they rarely hung out. Their friendship showed itself in many bizarre and unconventional ways.  
When Dimitri stole Yugi’s Deck and Zane refused to report Jaden’s Duel with him, for example, or when Blair broke into Zane’s room in the Obelisk Blue dorm and the man didn’t called he brunette out upon finding him in there.   
He knew Zane, there was no reason to be scared of him. But…

 

 

«Then what’s the holdup?», Jesse voiced his thoughts. «You’ve always wanted a rematch against him, didn’t you?».

 

 

With any other person, Jaden would have thrown his hands in the air. Instead, knowing Jesse was only testing the waters and not insisting, he settled on repeatedly tapping his fingers on the table: «I don’t know. I just… I know I don’t want to fight him, and that’s it».

 

 

Those words struck Jesse right where he stood, a lightning exploded in clear skies. He’d never heard something like that from Jaden before. The brunette was always throwing himself headfirst into Duels, whoever the opponent, even the most dangerous and absurd ones. Hell, he’d fought enemies both ridiculous (such as that awful Abidos III, as he recalled he labeled him upon learning the Shadow Riders story) and horrifying.   
Jaden didn’t bat an eye against Nighshroud, or even… or even Jesse himself, while possessed by Yubel.   
«Jaden, you can’t be serious», he, in fact, ended up saying. He couldn’t believe Jaden was backing down.

 

 

He barely held in a bitter smile, air bluntly escaping his nostrils. He was almost glad Jesse kept the issue about dueling and didn’t wander off in another direction.   
Jaden knew the bluenette was putting together his conclusions, so he tried to avoid them: «You do realize you’ve been the _only one_ who’s ever been able to defeat him after he got out of those Underground Duels?», he emphasized. «Hundreds of opponents and different approaches, and _you_ defeated him. No one else. Not even his brother, even though Syrus got pretty close to winning».   
That Duel still lingered in his memory. Back then, during the GX Tournament, Zane was still deeply lost in that twisted way of dueling, was still craving, _enjoying_ the pain brought to him by piercing electric shocks. Syrus hadn’t been the first to notice his unhealthy life choice, but he tried his best to make his big brother reason.   
However, he failed, and Jaden’s inside still stirred uncomfortably when he recalled how Zane would laugh, bolts of agony travelling through his body. The brunette fell sick as he watched his best friend trembling and crying as electricity claimed its way.   
Syrus tried knowing his brother more than anyone else, but failed.

 

A while before, Atticus stepped in, in a first vain attempt to bring the old Zane back. Jaden witnessed that Duel, alongside Syrus and Hassleberry, and couldn’t believe how dark his heart had become.   
And Zane had been as pitiless as he’d been with every other duelist, trampling Atticus with close to no effort after getting rid of almost his entire Deck, showing no respect for dueling or for his opponent.   
Atticus, barely holding Nightshroud in, knew Zane just a little less than Syrus. And still, he failed.

 

What Jesse did, before _and_ after being possessed by Yubel, was succeeding.

 

 

Jesse, following his silent string of thoughts, wasn’t letting him have it: «You’re a master duelist no less than him, Jaden. Come on, you’ve seen it by yourself. Defeating you is almost impossible», he told him.   
Truthful words, after all. Jaden had lost so few times it was possible to count his defeats on a hand’s fingers.   
«Besides – he added, propping a hand on his hip – there’s nothing at stake. Not your title, not someone’s life, nothing».  
That eventuality, also, could be counted on a hand’s fingers. Back in their teenage years, Jesse had inevitably started to think they were dueling just to save something, in one way or another. Dueling for fun had become a luxury, as danger surrounded and ambushed them everywhere.   
«You’ve always played for the sake for the game, for the fun of it», he added, softening his voice. «Now it’s really just a game. What’s the problem you’re having with Zane?».

 

 

There it was. Taken aback by that reply, even though he was kind of expecting Jesse to switch from dueling to personal issues, Jaden took his sweet time to answer. The kitchen feel silent, no sounds could be heard but the light tapping of fingers on wood.   
Not wanting to face the main problem, Jaden tried to keep his reply on the dueling level: «Zane is the only duelist I’ve always wanted to defeat, but the only one against whom I’ve _never_ managed to win», he said.   
He was avoiding Jesse’s scrutiny, but that feeling of inadequacy was heavy on him all the same. Jaden had won against anyone, friend and foe alike, and he was still winning to that day. But Zane…  
«Really, the only time I didn’t lose against him we ended up in a draw. And that was his graduation duels. _Before_ he got the Cyberdark cards and became Hell Kaiser», the brunette added, raising a hand to his forehead.   
They dueled many times, after Jaden got away on his own, but he failed and failed and failed, unable to even get at least another draw with the man. Elemental Heroes, Neo-Spacians, Neos Fusions, not even Yubel succeeded. Zane would just summon Cyberdark Dragon or Cyber End Dragon and end the Duel with a victory in his pockets.   
The last time, before Jaden gave up his lone travelling around the world, Zane annihilated him during his third turn.   
«Listen, I want to have fun, I really do. But I’m worried about this. I won hundreds of battles, and Zane’s still out of my league».

 

 

«And you can’t get over it».  
Jesse needed to find another way to let Jaden face to issue, if he wanted to help him, so the bluenette just played along. Maybe he would corner himself and offer an opportunity, he was pretty tired after all.

 

 

«Can you blame me?», Jaden replied.   
It wasn’t as much as defending himself, he just wanted to say something back. Jaden knew his boyfriend would never judge him for that, some defeats were too bitter to swallow.   
Once, his arrogance refused to let him accept a lost Duel, but now his inability to win against that one person was only frustrating.   
«I’ve been trying for years, I’ve kept trying since I left Duel Academy. Every time I improve my Deck, and every time it’s not enough», he, indeed, replied.   
He stopped trying after getting back to Jesse. He couldn’t bear another failure, not while being with the only person who got a victory. Two, almost. It felt too… mortifying.   
Jaden took a deep breath, shaking his head: «It’s not the Duel, okay? It’s… him. He should have challenged you, not me. I’m not good enough for him».

 

 

Finally.   
Jesse almost let out a relieved sigh as Jaden trapped himself in the line of reasoning the bluenette was trying to lure him into. So, the issue was the consideration Zane had of him, as Jesse predicted. It was nice to have a confirmation.   
«You are the one he wants to duel, not me», he proceeded to scold him, deepening his frown. «He respects you, maybe even more than me».

 

 

Jaden couldn’t help but snort: «Yeah, sure. Why would he?».

 

 

Jesse rolled his eyes, upset at his boyfriend’s lack of faith. His sarcasm was so sharp it could cut through flesh and bones. He could be so dense, when he wanted to. Jaden wasn’t dumb, he just liked to loom a little bit too much in his breakdowns.   
«Zane sees something in you, something he doesn’t have. Something he respects more than anything».  
Officially giving up the unspoken quest of getting Jaden to bed, Jesse moved a chair and sat down beside him, stretching out a hand to grab his: «Kindness and strength of mind, I dare to say. Maybe you don’t see it, of refuse to see it, but they’re way too much to be normal. Well, if “normal” was a thing».  
He smiled, recalling how random and fun their first meeting was, their first duel was. Jesse had bathed in enjoyment back then, even when the crowd had clearly expressed disappointment at the lack of Rainbow Dragon in his Deck.

 

Jaden, however, didn’t lose his smile after Jesse tricked him into that joke, and still wanted to be his friend. He stuck to him in a way no one ever did, and they fell in love with each other without realizing it.   
The brunette looked past the fame of his Crystal Beasts and found the teen behind them, the weird kid everyone avoided because he kept talking by himself. Jaden could see his newfound family, he’d never made fun of him for considering ethereal spirits part of it. Thanks to him, Jesse had finally managed to get some friends, something he’s stopped trying long before.   
Jesse’s smile widened, and he squeezed Jaden’s hand affectionately: «You always try to see the good side in everything and everyone, no matter how difficult it is or how impossible it seems. And – he grabbed his other hand with his free one – you’ve succeeded in doing the same with yourself».

 

 

Jaden shivered, his skin suddenly feeling colder than chilly winter wind. Jesse was telling him he’d been able to redeem himself, but his actions as the Supreme King flooded his mind as soon as the bluenette stopped talking.   
They were overwhelming, the memories heavy and burning with painful truth.   
He tried so hard to forget, to get Haou out of his mind once and for all, but… all the deaths, the screams, the pleas coming from those people he ruthlessly killed, wiped out of the world, they were all deeply engraved in his soul.   
Super Polymerization, a now fairly innocent card, was still a burden. Those rare times he tried to use it, he would just feel terrified, waves of guilt and drops of blood falling like thunderous rain. Jaden still kept the Evil Heros hidden away in a box, sealed and never to be looked at, or to be lost from sight.   
«It wasn’t me. It was Axel and Jim, _they_ broke me», he scoffed. Compassion, kindness, determination… those feelings weren’t there at the time, he couldn’t believe it.

 

 

«They broke Haou, not you», was Jesse’s immediate reply.   
He tightened his grip on Jaden’s hands as soon as he tried to pull them away, and looked straight into his eyes. His scary golden eyes, bright irises shimmering and morphing alongside the changing of lights. His sweet, soft eyes, pools of molten gold streaked by fire in which Jesse loved to lose himself over and over again.  
So, Jaden though he wasn’t worthy of respect. Jesse imagined something along those lines, but never in that particular direction. He always believed Jaden knew how much Zane cared about and respected him, especially knowing what the older man had done.   
He wasn’t going to let Jaden forge that belief into his mind.   
«You accepted the Supreme King, Jaden. You learned how to get a hold of your power, and you came back to help everyone who calls for aid. Somehow, you managed to blow Haou away and find yourself in the Supreme King, even if your memories haunt you», he told him, trying to be as soothing and as sincere as possible.

 

Jaden was a person in constant evolution, he kept getting better and better at being himself. When Jesse first saw him, before he came to his doorstep, the brunette didn’t look like himself.   
Jesse managed to only steal a glance at him, being too far away and not daring to approach, and what he saw was a confused young man searching for his life. His gold eyes were much more stern, back then, less reminiscent of their old brown counterparts, and flickered to red and green more often than not.   
When Jaden came back, however, his gaze was infinitely kinder. Solid gold had melted in liquid light, as the good darkness he bore on his shoulders became more bearable.

 

«You have enough strength to fight, and Zane noticed, before you decided to wander on your own».  
Jesse smiled again, a soft curving of full lips: «Did you forget how far Zane was willing to go, back in the other dimension, to help you overcome your fears?».

 

 

Of course he didn’t.   
Zane was dying, his heart failing because of the repeated pain and damage he put his body through. The Cyberdark cards were draining the life out of him, as electric shocks made his heart falter more and more each day.   
But he gritted his teeth and pulled out the last bits of his strength to challenge Jaden, and show him how unprepared he was.   
Despite his conditions, Zane choose to stand up for him, protected him until his heart shut down. Not long after, the Supreme King’s power brought him back, but Jaden never accepted those actions as something respectful.   
Not knowing what to say, Jaden limited his actions to a small nod of acknowledgment.

 

 

Jesse’s smile became softer, as he raised Jaden’s hands to his face to nuzzle them: «Don’t let your memories overcome what you have now. Zane respects you, he knows you’re the best he could ask for. You’re worth playing against with».  
Tenderly, still unsure if he was actually succeeding in breaching his worries, Jesse littered Jaden’s hands with fluttery kisses, slowly covering every inch of skin he could reach: «You bring fun and happiness, even when you should be scared or worried. You never fail to put on a smile and fight at your best when you _are_ scared and worried».   
He saw that, after all.   
His undying determination that brought a bad time for every enemy he fought.   
Love and experience against maliciousness and avidity, that’s what he saw in his duels, in his speeches, in his life.   
Jaden refused t give up even when Nightshroud actually succeeded in getting a hold of his mind, and had been able to shrug away his Darkness as soon as he recognized his mistakes.

 

 

«I _can’t_ do it. He’ll just trample me again».

 

 

«And so what? You never gave up, don’t start now!».  
Jesse scooted over, the chair emitting a horrible scraping sound as he did so: «You can give up only if trying isn’t worth it», he added, comforting but serious at the same time. «And I won’t believe, even for a second, you think you aren’t worth it».  
Why was he so stubborn, when it came to acceptance?

 

 

Jaden shook his head: «I’m not worth it, and Zane’s wrong about me», he replied, snatching his hands away from Jesse’s grasp. «I know what you’re trying to do, and it’s not worth it either».  
He’d been harsh, but he couldn’t help it.

 

 

«I’m trying to get Jaden back. You can fight all you want, but you’ll have to realize we still love you all the same».  
When Jaden refused to say anything else in response to that, stubbornly muted and looking the opposite direction, Jesse sighed and got up from the chair. He glanced back only one more time before leaving the kitchen, his footsteps echoing between walls and floor.   
The house was quiet, if not for the rare hooting of owls and the constant chirping of crickets. And the waves, crashing every now and then under the cliff it was built on. Nature was everywhere, around the building, and it was difficult not to sleep soundly in that environment.  
Because of that, Jesse only woke up and found out Jaden wasn’t with him in bed thanks to his faithful Crystal Beasts’ intervention. Ruby annoyed him into consciousness, as Sapphire hinted downstairs and Topaz led him to the kitchen.

 

And speaking of them, Amethyst Cat suddenly appeared at his side as he climbed the stairs to the bedroom, her see-through paws making no noise as she followed her keeper.  
Tired out of his mind, both because of the time and the discussion with Jaden, the bluenette slumped over on the bed and slipped under the covers, shivering. Amethyst curled up beside him, taking Jaden’s place seeing he wasn’t coming.

 

 

« _So… it’s one of those nights, uh?_ », the spirit-ish cat commented, her tail dancing in the air.

 

 

Jesse sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose: «Can we really blame him? It’s easy to recall bad actions, and Jaden’s past is a mess. He needs time, more than it seems, when it comes to this».  
It’s been years, after all, and he still needed to recover. Jesse never tried to hurry him.

 

 

« _Wouldn’t it be better if you helped him more? He seems… I don’t know. Helpless_ ».

 

 

The cat tried to sharpen  her claws on the sheets, even thought she wasn’t able to touch them, and Jesse couldn’t hold back a sheepish smile. Then, however, his expression morphed into a frown: «I shouldn’t even have tried, tonight. When he has those crisis, I don’t think it’s a good thing for me to be so close. I know he blamed me for what happened, even though he didn’t realize it».   
A bitter response, indeed, but true.   
Jaden had never explicitly became conscious of that, but he held Jesse responsible for a long time. After all, his disappearance was the reason why the Supreme King resurfaced in the first place. Jaden had been so angry and vulnerable…  
If Jesse hadn’t chosen to stay behind, Jaden would have never crossed dimensions. But then again, that situation had been an awful conundrum of bad and forced choices.

 

 

« _Yeah, but… he shouldn’t be so deaf and inconsiderate like he’s been now_ ».

 

 

Jesse scowled at the cat: «Amethyst, you have to realize he has all the rights to feel like that. The Supreme King killed thousands of people, annihilated an entire dimension. Those people are still _dead_. Sure, he managed to let us come back, but…».  
Another sigh, deeper this time, as Jesse sank in the softness of the bed: «He’s still split between blaming himself and me».  
Himself, because sending Yubel into space had been his idea. And Jesse, for the aforementioned reasons. They were lucky their relationship never fell apart.

 

 

« _If anything, it’s also our fault. Even if Jaden started it, we swore to protect you. And we failed. Yubel took you away and used your body as they pleased, because we didn’t chase them away»,_ Amethyst replied, her eyes narrowed into slits.   
The portal closed, Jesse had been trapped into his own mind and all of them had been corrupted in darker forms. So much for their promise.

 

 

Jesse held out a hand and stroked the cat’s fur, her purring somewhat peaceful and relaxing. He’d only recently learned how to come in contact with his family, as his ability kept increasing. Besides, spiritual energy was far more consistent at night, and Jesse had been, in fact, the Crystal Keeper back in another life.  
His affection, though, didn’t stop him from scolding Amethyst for her words: «Don’t take the blame for that. You tried to help, with all you had. Sometimes, it’s just impossible».  
He gave her head one last pet before hiding his arm under the covers, the cold air seeping through his pajamas: «And besides, this situation isn’t something easy to counter by placing the blame on someone else. We need time, me, Jaden, you… Guilt is a pitiless creature, and forcing it away will only make it stronger».

 

Blowing out a deep breath, he bid goodnight to Amethyst as she faded into nothingness and curled up to keep warm.   
Jaden didn’t come back, that night, but Jesse smiled brightly as he turned on the TV and skipped to a Duel Monsters related channel.  
Zane’s challenge had been accepted, the announcer was happily shouting into the microphone. Jaden had still a lot to figure out, but maybe, just maybe, he was starting to accept other people’s trust.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo... thoughts?  
> I don't know, this feels right to me.   
> Maybe I'll write something else and make this a series of short stories, who knows. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much for reading! Kudos and comments are always a huge boost to my confidence, as I always say, so if you want to leave something feel free to!
> 
> See you in the next one!


End file.
